Observation #6 Kid, You Ain’t a Kid No More

Not sure when it happened but I am old. Do remember when you were 18? Anyone in their 30s was just a douchebag who didn’t have any fun. I am that douchebag. I remember getting pubes and now they are turning grey. Shit. Hair no longer growing out of the top of my head yet sprouting with reckless abandon elsewhere. Everyone gets older physically. It’s the grown up decisions that weigh on you the most. Trying to figure out what bar to go to seemed like such a big decision. Now deciding who would have guardianship of my kids if something happened to me is the type of the garden variety decision that crosses my plate these days.

WVV. Will. Van. Vasectomy. Making a will is one the heaviest things I’ve ever done. Acknowledging your mortality is something that old people have to do. You would never think of making a will at eighteen. What would you give away? Your Chevette and your dirty mags? Making a will is something that everyone in their 30s has got to do. If you have kids then it’s irresponsible not to have one. Using the word “irresponsible” just gave me a shiver.

The minivan. I have two kids. I’m not worried what a minivan says about my station in life. “Hey, looks like Ventnor gave up. Nice Caravan.” I gave up a long time ago and I embrace it.

The vasectomy is a total punch to the brain. I haven’t made an appointment yet. Trying to stay out of the game. Then trying to get in the game. Back to the bench. That is a grown up surgery.

The other grown up decision that makes you think about your scooter and harassing young nurses is retirement. How much do you contribute to retirement savings when you have to pay off the debt that you have right now? If you don’t save anything, you will have to work forever. As a teacher, I will receive a healthy pension. My wife will not get any pension. We both contribute every month. It just comes out. No brainer. Could I use that $200 now? Hell yeah.

When you have to worry about your kids and your parents, you know you’re in the shit. It’s an interesting time. At least my life has some gravitas. Some reason. For the first time in my life, I am not the first thing I think about. It is liberating and at the same time, scary as hell.