Oberservation #47 Sometimes You Just Don’t Stand a Chance

I was reading an article about potato chips the other day. I guess if you can’t eat them the least you can do is read about them. It was saying that in the 1950s, when potato chips were coming into commercial prominence, scientists worked extensively on how to make the potato chip noisier. They did studies and found the louder the chip was when you bit into it, the more popular the chip was. This may also be the reason we don’t have a cure for cancer or can’t figure out how to eliminate famine. Scientists are too busy engineering noisier chips. An all out attack on your senses. Sometimes You just don’t stand a chance.

There are people out there who make a living as food stylists. They spend their days making food look its best. They will search for the perfect unwrinkled bun. They will spritz a hamburger patty to make it appear juicier. They make sure the lighting is perfect for photo shoots. “You need to work it. Sorry iceberg. You just don’t have it today. Bring in the romaine.”  They just make food look so good. You don’t stand a chance. By the time you get that limp McDonalds cheesburger, you’ve laid the money down. It doesn’t look like the ad.

Why do the most tantilizing food commercials come on during prime time? Don’t they know that we shouldn’t eat after dark? How come they don’t have overweight people biting into those burgers or slurping those milkshakes in TV ads?  Its like only a world of “before” pictures exist. Why are the things you really need at the grocery store at the back? Why is it freezing in the grocery store? Nobody wants to eat when they are cozy warm. That’s why. What’s with the muzak at the grocery store? They want you to saunter and take your time. More opportunity to put stuff in your cart. Sometimes you just don’t stand a chance.

Observation #46 Boxer or brief or somewhere in between?

I am footloose and fancy free. I guess one of those qualifying questions that defines a man’s personality is the ole boxer or brief question. The wearer of boxers are typically free spirits whereas brief wearers tend to be more conservative. It is the Democrat vs Republican of the undergarment world. The boxer brief hybrid would be more of a brokerage party in the centre that tries to grab votes from both: The Liberal Party of Canada.

The thing with both the boxer and brief that make them tough to wear for huskier gentleman is a phenomenon known as chub rub. When you’ve got friction those underwears don’t provide that friction barrier. I think if you could harness the heat down there, it could be the solution to our current energy crisis. I had to switch to the boxer brief which provides for protection.

I recently ran out of boxer briefs which signals laundry time for me. I went out on a limb and slipped on a pair of briefs that I had in my top drawer. I have three pairs of briefs that I used to wear when I didn’t wanted those dreaded panty lines. I bought them initially to wear under my tuxedo at my wedding. They felt good. I slid across the room in a closeted Tom Cruise manner. I did some running on the spot. Some stretches. Not much friction. I wore them for the day. Not bad. Lots of support. I felt pride. My weight loss opened up a new world of gotchies.

The next day I thought, what about those boxers that have not seen the light of day in several years? I slipped them on. They fit. Not too constricting in the leg holes. A couple of attempted toe touches. So for so good. I put my shorts over top. I will tell you, this revelation is the best part of Operation 180 so far. Yeah, lower chlolesterol. Adding years to my life. All good things but the freedom of boxers. That is something else.

I will still wear boxer briefs to workout. This transition only has one apex. Commando. One can dream.

Observation #45 The Quarter Way Point

Operation 180 equals 180 days to lose 180 pounds. Day 45 is a quarter of the way to the end date. I am ahead of my 2.5 pounds a week pace but I expected that weight would come off easier at the beginning. In the first week, I shed 10 pounds. It was probably water weight. Now that the water weight is gone, I need to get rid of the Dorito weight, the jube jube weight and the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup weight.

I am starting to notice the weight loss now. My shorts are folding over at the waist. When I look down, I can see things I haven’t seen in awhile. I have re-introduced some T-shirts. People are funny. They are noticing but they are sometimes hesitant to say anything. “You wanted to lose weight, right? You’re not sick are you?” I appreciate the concern.

The accountability of Facebook has really kept me on track. I’ve been really humbled by the comments that people have left. As a teacher, you see how much time kids spend on Facebook and you develop a resentment or maybe a fear of it. This experience so far has shown the positive side of it. Losing weight can be a lonely endeavour if you isolate yourself. I have felt part of a community since I started Operation 180. Seeing people at the gym. Going on bike rides with my friends. Hearing from people I haven’t heard from in a long time. I know I said I wanted only negative comments to fuel my weight loss but the positive ones have been really motivating. Thank you.

I have tried to stay positive so far. I haven’t had an up week yet. I know it will happen eventually. It will be a challenge. I have missed the crutch of food. The memories are still vivid. Strapping on a feed bad of gummie bears. Hopefully my new body makes my wife forgive and forget any stuffed-crust pizza withdrawal-induced grumpiness.

Start of Week 9

I started at 261.4 and I have lost 33 lbs. I climbed 8200 stairs last week at my school which means I climbed the tallest building in the world 2.5 times. This week's challenge is go around the track 100 times. I might bump it to 104 which would be a marathon. We'll see how it goes.

Observation #44 The Power of Sleep

How many people get the required hours of sleep? We need sleep to recharge. The heart needs to rest so that the furnace isn’t burning 24/7. Sleeping really is the third leg in the healthiness tripod. Nutrition. Exercise. Sleep. It does require effort though just like the other legs. Once you get in a sleeping pattern it seems tough to break that.

Going to bed earlier is the easy part of the equation. Sleeping in later would be much harder. Especially if kids are part of your equation. Every time I consciously try to go bed early my wife gets suspicious. She goes to bed early. When I go to bed early, she thinks I am coming upstairs for more than sleep. For the most part, I am. If it works out I will be sleep soon enough. The act is like the greatest sleeping pill ever invented.  One night my wife said to me, “I have a new move I want to try called STM.”

I was obviously intrigued.  What could this mean?

“Sleep Til Morning.”

Snap. Good one. It was so great a zinger that I almost forgot my hopes were dashed.

Sleeping more isn’t always the key. You can oversleep. I never feel refreshed if I sleep for a long time. I think eight hours is my optimal. I know a guy who tried to get six full awake days out of a week. He couldn’t sustain it. Sometimes I feel like I could be doing so much more with a few extra hours but it probably isn’t worth it.

Napping. I can never sleep at night if I nap during the day. I have been getting at least seven hours a night. For awhile, I had a shitty relationship with sleep because my back would hurt if I slept too long. Its been getting better. I guess I have to think as much about down time as I do up time.

Observation #43 Week 6 Challenge: Cottage

very year my family rent a cottage on Pigeon Lake near Bobcaygeon, Ont. It is usually a week of relaxation and eating. Swimming, fishing, napping, book readin’ and most importantly snacking. We stop at the grocery in town and load up. Cookies, marshmallows and chips. In fact I actually I met a chip I didn’t like last year. The cheeseburger flavoured Dorito is the worst chip ever made. I pushed through with the chips that we bought. I really enjoy the all-dressed chip. If you close your eyes and imagine a flavour, you can taste just that flavour. Anyways I love the cottage snacking. It is some of the best snacking around. I did not partake this year. No cookies although they were sitting there all week. No chips. No Smores. It was tough but I think with Operation 180 being so public, it is tough to be a pig.

Bobcaygeon is the home of Kawartha Dairy. You can go straight to the dairy and get ice cream. They have like a hundred flavours. Most of which, I enjoy. I tend to lean towards Death by Chocolate (ominous and prophetical) and Chocolate Peanut Butter. This year I didn’t have a single scoop of ice cream. I was thinking that there are ice cream shops in Welland that I could go to everyday. What makes the ice cream at the cottage so good that you have to a scoop everyday you are up there? Nothing. It is good ice cream but they have good ice cream here. I guess when you go on vacation, the regular rules don’t apply. You would never go to the ice cream shop everyday while at home.

I didn’t workout much. I went for a run with my sister-in-law. (Observation #33) There was lots of swimming in the lake. The batteries got recharged after some intense working out. I’ve got a long way to go so it was good to relax.

Observation #42 Not Eating Bad but Not Eating Good

I had a lot of bad habits. Eating before bedtime. Buying a chocolate bar at the checkout. Going for seconds, thirds and sometimes fourths. Making the move from the single bags of chips to the big bag. In fact, in a cruel ironic instance, I ate a whole bag of Sweet Chili Heat Doritos while watching an episode of Biggest Loser.

With Operation 180, I have curtailed this behaviour. I no longer eat at night. It is tough to watch a movie with the little lady without some M&Ms or popcorn but I know this has made a huge difference. I just remember the food would sit in my guts without any chance to be burnt off. I was also eating Tums like candy. I would get heartburn as I lied in bed. I actually preferred Gaviscon. When you eat it, it foams up in your mouth. I would often secretly pretend I had rabies and let the foam seep out the sides of my mouth. I digress. I have substituted checkout chocolate bars with a lottery ticket or magazine. I figure if I make millions I can eat whatever I want and pay some doctor to keep me skinny. I have stopped being a buzzard. No more picking off my kids’ plates. I have limited myself to one helping. I have also tried to switch from crispy to grilled at fast food places. Not groundbreaking but steps in the right direction. I would say that I have really done my best to eliminate the bad.

The one piece that is missing is adding the good. I may be eating less bad things but I am not eating more good things. These are the things that I am working towards: no more fast food, more (or some) fruits and vegetables, more fish and seafood and a full switch to whole-grain/wheat products (bagels, bread and rice). If I was a stronger person I would make a real commitment to eating healthy. Eating locally produced goods, not eating anything with more than five ingredients and consuming little or no processed food or drink would be the ultimate. I think this a lofty goal that is really tough with a young family. Even if it is an ideal, moving towards it will be awesome for myself and the people in my life. More good along with less bad is where I am trying to get.

Observation #41 Body Breakdown

I have two young daughters. They are the best. They both went to nursery school. They learnt about healthy lifestyles. They learn about fruits and vegetables and taking care of their bodies. The teacher told them that if didn’t do all the right things, they would experience “body breakdown.” I have embraced that phrase. Whenever I hurt something or have an incident like aforementioned poo problem, I just say we’ve got “body breakdown.”

The one thing I have feared the most about Operation 180 is not that I won’t reach my goal weight. Even if I don’t I will be in a much better place. The one thing I fear is that I won’t reach the end. To give up before the 180 days would be weak. I don’t fear giving up. I fear hurting my back. Like clockwork, every three months or so, I throw my back out. Body breakdown. The strangest thing about is it happens at the most weirdest of  times, not when I am straining myself. Washing my hair. Wiping my rear end. Getting a glass down from the cupboard. Imagine that scene when I put my back out in the washroom. The grunts of pain. The yelps of agony. Getting myself to a place of comfort, lying on the floor. Bare ass naked.

The other day I thought I did it again. I was putting a Bounce sheet in the dryer. Yes ladies, this dreamboat does laundry too. I felt the twinge. The tremor before the earthquake. I instantly thought that I would be on the shelf for a week or so. I was instantly miserable. Not because of the pain but because of Operation 180.

“Daddy, why are you sad?”

“Daddy has body breakdown.”

I quickly went into a prevent defence. I took some Advils and some back medication. I also took it easy. When this does happen I try not to tell my wife. She is a pharmacist and wants to help me. Maybe it’s the martyr in me but I hate being taken care of. I just feel like I’m letting people down. I managed to survive. I worked out the next day cautiously. It was just reminder that I am still in a state where body breakdown can happen at anytime.

Observation #40 Misleading Stats

When studies say that a certain percentage of the population are overweight, how do they make those calcuations? I just went to Fantasy Island recently with my family. I saw about five people who I could say were in great shape. No judgement because I certainly didn’t fall into that group. The numbers of overweight people must be way higher than they are letting on. In a 2009 study done by Statistics Canada says “Almost 45% of Canadian women aged 18 to 79 had a normal weight for their height as did 31% of men.” Snap. That is high. As high as that is I believe the actual stats to be much worse.

If you received a survey that asked your weight, would you answer it honestly. I think most people lie about their weight. The same people that completed the aforementioned survey said that on average men report four less pounds and women five. They figured this out because they did two separate surveys. On the second survey they reported more accurate results because people were told that they would be weighed as part of the survey. Some of those people might not know how much they weigh. Wouldn’t life be grand if you never felt the need to step on a scale? Maybe they have another system like belt notches or pant sizes. There is a freedom in that. There may be a ignorance is bliss thing going on there as well. Maybe they are just dirty liars. Or ashamed.

BMI. Bullshit Motherf**kin’ Index. This is the measurement that is used as a measuring stick for healthiness. My BMI at the start of Operation 180 was 37.5. This puts me in the morbidly obese category. My current BMI is 33.4. That drops me into Obese Class II category (Severe obesity). Shit, I thought I was doing well. If I get to 180 my BMI will be 25.8. This will put me just in the overweight category. Maybe I was worse off than I thought. I definitely need to get to 180 to get into that coveted overweight group.

Observation #39 Drive Thru

In my city, I know for a fact that there are at least two convenience stores with drive-thru windows. What does this say  about our society? How can we make a convenience store more convenient? What are we saving all this time for? More time with our families? That would be nice. Not sure its about time saving at all. It’s about people isolating themselves and taking the path of least resistance.  

When you can do something online instead doing it face to face with someone, online seems easier. My parents still have a bank book. They go into their bank branch and pay their bills. The tellers know them. They make small talk. They interact. Old school. This has implications for our health, both physical and emotional. Getting out of your chair and going to the bank is not a full cardio workout but its better than tapping a keyboard.

Tim Hortons. I wonder what percentage of their business is in-store. Can you imagine Central Perk had a drive-thru? There would be no Smelly Cat. Probably a good thing. God I hated that show. Getting a coffee used to be a social act not just an act of consumption. As life becomes more convenient our health will suffer. Our ability to relate and communicate will suffer. Out of shape and lonely.

Start of Week 8

Start of Week 8: I started at 261.4 and have lost 28.8 lbs. I have discovered a hatred for P90X. I only did it four times. The host is so annoying that I couldn't do it. Plus I think its for people who are already in shape. Maybe I will do it later. For this week's challenge I want climb the amount of stairs in the world's tallest building over the course of the week. That's 3234 steps. We'll giver a go.

Observation #37 Robbed of the Occasional Celebration

Viewer discretion is advised. Yesterday was my 6th anniversary. My beautiful wife and I decided to go out for dinner. We decided to go to the Keg in Niagara Falls. It is a beautiful restaurant overlooking the Falls.

I ordered a pound of crab legs and a baked potato. It was delicious. I never ate seafood before I met my wife. My Tara’s family is Norwegian and through her I discovered the joy that is seafood. The crab leg. I call it the orange of the sea. I love the taste of oranges but the work it takes to peel them is a pain. The crab leg is the same way. That delicious meat is hard to get it but it is so worth it. Good food. Good company.

I started driving home and the most intense poo pain swept over me. I wasn’t used to the rich food. It is weird how the body forgets so quickly. I started to sweat it was so bad. I had a poo baby to deliver and my contractions were getting closer. I didn’t want to tell Tara. It was our anniversary. She does deal with all my imperfections on a daily basis so I thought I would spare her. Eventually after being privy to my deep breaths and my sweating, I let her know. She suggested pulling over and dropping trou. That was not the lasting memory I wanted to create.

I made to a local Tim Hortons. I burst into the washroom. There is one stall and there is a guy in it. I start pacing. He finishes. I get in there, wipe the seat and sit. It is still warm. I finish but feel no relief.  As a quick side note, the toilet paper was that small sheet variety opposed to the roll. So you have to make a huge nest in your hand. Plus it was like wax paper. Pain in the ass. Three people came in and out while I was in there. Uncomfortable.

I get back to the car. “Did you fall in?” I guess you lose all sense of time. To add to the “shitty” situation, while I was in the can, the car beside my van smashed its door into ours. I guess my body and the cosmos tag-teamed me. They whispered to me, “Don’t f**k up, we will punish you.”

Observation #36 Week 5 Challenge: Half Iron-man over the Week

After doing the individual parts of the Half-Ironman over the course of a week, I decided to try to combine the elements over the course of the week. It really made me realize the commitment it takes to complete this type of race all at once. The torture these people put themselves through. Screw waterboarding.

I decided that I would do the swimming leg in my backyard pool. It is long enough (40 feet) to get a serious workout. I found it alot easier not having to conform to the YMCA times. It was much better for my ego. I could wear the trunks I wanted or no trunks at all. Imagine that sight. Swimming lengths nude except for my goggles. My poor neighbours. I always say if you look into someone else’s backyard, be prepared for the consequences. I felt like my speed was increased. I may shave down to cut down on resistance.

I decided to put as much of the cycling into one day as I could. I knew there was the chance that I may be called upon to produce a child at any time so I tried to concentrate my riding (bike). I did a 70 km ride with a friend. It was a good ride except for the one point where I fell over. Sometimes I forget that I am clipped into my pedals. I don’t understand how I could forget but I do. I slowed right down then I went to put my foot down. When I didn’t come out. I just fell over. Nothing was hurt except for my ego. I fell as gracefully as a grown man can fall from his bike. I finished up with a 20 km ride one morning.

I ran my 21 km on the treadmill. I did 5 km a day for four days. On the fourth day I ran an additional kilometre. It was pretty uneventful. I did find myself really moved by Flavor Flav’s soliloquy at the end of Public Enemy’s “He Got Game”. You got me Flav.

Week 5 Challenge: Grade B+

Next week’s challenge: Not snack myself to death while at the cottage for the week

Observation #35 Mashed Potatoes

Why are some children picky eaters when their siblings are not? When I was young I was the pickiest eater. I could use some of that discretion now. My parents said that when I was a toddler, I ate everything. Even peas (my mosted hated food). Then at one point I just decided that I didn’t like anything. This was my diet: Heinz spaghetti in a can, Kraft Dinner, pizza, McDonalds hamburgs with ketchup, Liptons Chicken Noodle Soup, and Froot Loops. At one point my parents had to take me to the doctor to see if what I was eating was going to be a problem.

My parents tried everything to introduce new foods. One evening will stay with me forever. My dad got home from work and my mom had dinner ready for all of us. My mom put a spoonful of mashed potatoes on my plate. I stared at them. I said, “I’m not eating it!”

“You are going to eat them or wear them,” said my dad.

“Whatever.”

Not sure if my dad had a bad day or whether he was fed up with having to make separate meals for me but he did it. He scooped his hand into the big bowl of mashed potatoes and smeared them all over my head. In my hair. In my ears. Up my nostrils. I was shocked. I looked to my mom for some solace. Nothing. She started to laugh. My brother. Laughing. Everyone laughing but me. My mom took me into the kitchen and put me under the tap to clean me up. I eat my mashed potatoes to this very day. Thank god she didn’t put a pea on my plate.

I think as you get older you get out of the pickiness somewhat. Its just not socially acceptable to be a picky adult eater. It really is why fast food is so successful. You can be a picky eater. You can always find something on a menu to eat and eat it every time you go. If you can’t find something to eat, you just drive to next restaurant or go to an ole standby. I would have never ordered mashed potatoes but they got served.

Observation #34 The Chris Farley Syndrome

I recently saw a picture of Jonah Hill. He has lost a lot of weight. Will he still be funny? I was thinking about how we sometimes become identified by our body type instead of our personalities. Then again maybe our personalities are formed by our body type. The jolly fat man. Fat guys aren’t dangerous. I think Santa is the archetype.

Some people are so identified by their body type that any change to the physique could change their whole world (positively or negatively) or even their livelihood. The Chris Farley Syndrome. “Fat guy in a little coat.” Farley makes me sad. His whole persona was based on his weight. He was trapped. You want to continue your career but you want to live. It seems like an easy choice but when you have a public life based upon being the “funny fat guy on Saturday Night Live” the choice isn’t as clear. Say Farley decided that he wanted to get healthy and lost a 100 pounds. He might make one more movie as a novelty but his career would be over. He would have reinvent himself. His brand of comedy. His persona. Not an easy task.

If I spent my life as a ripped out muscle guy would I be like “The Situation” from Jersey Shore? Has my time as the jolly fat guy made me different? Will I be the same guy if I get all ripped out? I hope so. Do people treat you differently at different weights? Maybe the reaction of others changes how you carry yourself. Self-confidence hopefully doesn’t morph into cockiness.

Observation #33 Treadmill vs. Outside

I’ve been running alot on the treadmill lately. I’ve been going further and faster each day. I was getting pretty proud of myself. That was until I went for a run outside. It was all a cruel charade.

Running on a treadmill is so controlled. The machine does most of the work. I went for a run at the cottage. The roads were undulating. There are no undulating roads on a treadmill. Four bugs flew in my mouth. There are no bugs at the YMCA. The sun was beating down on my bald spot. I could feel my dome heating up. There is no sun on a treadmill.

To me the treadmill provides alot of motivation. If you stop running you will shoot off the end. You will hurt yourself or someone else. You will certainly stop everyone at the gym. They will look at you and your failure. When you are running outside, if you stop. You just stop.

Running on the treadmill is solitary endeavour. You can’t really talk to anyone. Any distraction, zoooom off the back. When you run outside, you can run with others. The problem with that is that its physically more difficult to run outside. When I went for my run at the cottage, I went with my sister-in-law. She was trying to have a conversation with me but I was out of breath. I kept firing back one word answers. There were alot of “yeps” and “uh-huhs”. I wasn’t trying to be rude but I couldn’t talk. Breathing was hard enough. That tells me that its working.

I need to run outside more. I guess there are benefits. You get to see more.

Observation # 32 Love it or like it?

Two chili cheese dogs, two cheeseburgers, two orders of onion rings, turkey salad with French fries, a chocolate cake, apple pie, butter pecan ice cream, egg rolls, one peach, three Dr. Peppers, jalopeno peppers, ketchup and mustard. This is the last meal of Williams Richard who was executed in Texas.

     Capital punishment is a controversial topic. Neither the time nor the place. It does, however,  make me wonder what I would eat if I only had hours to live. When I asked several people, few himmed and hawed. They knew exactly what they would eat. The most common answer is a steak cooked just the way they like it. Chocolate cake is also a favourite.

I couldn’t answer and still can’t. What would I eat? I know a lot of things I wouldn’t eat. Peas for one. I would say flip the switch before I ate peas. Thinking about this really made me kind of sad. I don’t love food. I really like it alot but there isn’t one dish that I can decide upon. Its not that I have such a passion for food that there are so many dishes that I can’t decide. I don’t think I have had that one dish that stopped me in my tracks. Nickelback is for people who like music but don’t love it. I am a Nickelback eater. I think that people who have a passion for food don’t eat fast food or cookies or chips. Do you think Gordon Ramsey would eat at Taco Bell?

Start of Week 7

Start of Week 7: I started at 261.4 and have lost 27.4 lbs. I survived the cottage with a loss. It was hard but the relaxation counter-balanced it. This week I am going to do the first week of P90X.

Observation #31 Depravation

     I was reading that 40% of people who go on a diet gain all the weight back. In fact, most people gain back more than they lost. Shitty.

     The problem is depravation. We are not hardwired to go without. We are a spoiled people in North America. We can go without for a period of time then we give in. Seinfeld’s “The Contest”.

     Before my wedding, I lost some weight. I didn’t want my wife’s relatives to think, “What the hell is she thinking? Ole Fatty Fatty Two-by-Four. Looks like a perfect ten couple.” A ‘Perfect Ten” couple is not a coveted thing. One of the spouses is thin and the other is not. Hence, the “10”. I proceeded to gain 12 pounds on my honeymoon. We only went for a week. I ate with reckless abandon. I had deprived myself. When you are in that mode you are a tightly coiled. Once that coil starts to come unraveled, it snaps. Cue the creamy sauces.

     Someone suggested that a “cheat day” would help me get through the depravation. Would you say to a crack addict, “Just smoke one rock on Sundays.” I don’t think I would have enough control on that day. One way trip to the Mandarin. I guess the key is to give into your urges but find a way to work it into a more balanced overall lifestyle. More voodoo.

Observation #30 The Trickiness of Food

I know “everything in moderation” is the best strategy to any long-term maintenance of your weight. Eating less calories than you work off through exercise is the best way to lose weight. More fruits and vegetables. I know there isn’t much nutritional value in a tasty chocolate bar. Which in itself is a bloody shame. These are simplifications of course. Food is complex. I always thought that a nutritionist was a non-essential occupation but I think they probably hold the key to a good relationship with the things we put in our body.

     Your food IQ is really developed by your parents. My dad is a beautiful man and I love him but some of the things he says about food baffle me and have probably screwed me up a little. Here are some memorable quotes: “If you want to lose weight, make sure you eat right before bed. That way you won’t want to snack during the night.”; “Have some candies, they are pure energy and are easy to burn off.”; “Eat all the pasta you want. People in triathlons always eat pasta before a race.” Maybe schools should really teach kids how to eat properly. That aside my parents always had vegetables with dinner. I just didn’t like them.

     The tricky thing with food is that some of things that you think are good for you, aren’t. I was never a salad guy. Then I discovered Caesar Salad and I thought “This is what people are talking about.” Its lettuce. Gots to be good for you. Its not. The salads at McDonalds have a lot of calories. Might as well go for a Big Mac. You hear that bacon and eggs are high in chlolesterol. Don’t eat them. Then you hear people say that eggs are the best things you can eat. Eat them. I am confused. Voodoo

     The other thing is when you watch a show like Dr. Oz. Every week he has this miracle food that will prevent cancer, a fruit that prevents old age, a snack that burns fat, a berry that gives you a better sex life. How do you fit them all into your diet? Plus some foods are good for one thing but bad for something else.

     Is it calories you watch or is it grams of fat? What about sodium? What makes a carbohydrate simple?

     I’ve gotta go back to school.

Observation #29 Week 4 Challenge: Swim 1.9 km

For the Week 4 challenge, I decided to swim 1.9 km. Not all at once of course but over the course of a week. The distance is how far you would swim if you were doing a Half-Ironman. I realize that you were doing a Half-Ironman you would do it all at once and of course a long bike ride and an even longer run would follow. For me I haven’t really swum, swam or swimmed (what is the past tense of swimming?) that distance over the course of my life. I wasn’t sure it I would be good at it or not.

     The first thing that kinda sucks about swimming are the lane swim times at the local YMCA. When you are working out you can go at anytime that fits into your schedule. With swimming you have to fit your schedule around the lane swim times.

     The second thing that kinda sucked about swimming was my choice of attire. The first time I went, the shorts I wore were too big. I was initially happy because those trunks were pretty tight at the start of the summer. I was less happy as my trunks kept slipping off my ass as I attempted to swim. After a while I just gave up. I finished a lap with two lily-white cheeks breaking the surface like Nessie’s head. The poor teenage girl lifeguard. I then switched to a pair of pea soup green trunks with various marine life on them. A swordfish. A shark. A starfish. A whale. I thought they did the trick until I got that dreaded wife comment “You didn’t really wear those in public?”

     I finished the 76 lengths over the course of the week. I was usually out of breath by the time I reached the end of the pool. The strange thing is when you are done you just feel a full body fatigue. You just feel tired.

     Swimmers are a unique sub-gym culture. They are a different breed. I didn’t really feel the love but it really is an individual sport. Plus I think my less than graceful style really turned them off. Don’t care. I didn’t drown. It’s about survival.

Start of Week 6: At the Cottage

I started at 261.4 and I have lost 26 pounds. I completed the Half-Ironman over the course of the week. I am at the cottage this week. I won't be able to post this week but I will be back as soon as I return.

Observation #28 Enforcer or Enabler?

We are not islands. As much as we like to think that we are in control of our destinies, our actions and decisions are heavily influenced by the people that we surround yourselves with. I guess you control who is around you. There are many things you look for in a support system. Loyalty. Sympathy. Empathy. Honesty. Well maybe not too honest. The captain of your team is usually your spouse or partner or girl/boyfriend. The person you live with. The person who has the greatest impact on your day to day. One thing that you don’t really consider is whether or not that person is an enforcer or an enabler.

The enforcer cracks the whip. If you start down the path of health and wellness, they keep you on the straight and narrow. They often get on board and don’t allow those familar habits creep in. Sometimes you aspire to live like them. Once you voice that desire, they run with it. They were waiting. Most of the time it is out of genuine concern that the enforcer takes over. The enforcer doesn’t always follow the rules themselves but they make damn sure that you do. “Hey what happened to that bag of Sweet Chili Heat Doritos that was in the pantry?”

“You said you didn’t want to eat junk food anymore.”

“Damn.”

The enabler usually shows love in a different way. They want their partner to be happy. They make them whatever they want for dinner or suggest a favourite fast food option. They buy all the good snacks at the grocery store. They know how to fill the void or your mouth. “I made you a chocolate sundae.”

“I love you.”

I guess its a spectrum. I guess either extreme is good. Maybe a somewhere in the middle is best.

Observation #27 Stress-related Eating

"Hey man, I’m really stressed out?”

“What’s wrong?

“Oh, I just have a lot going on. Work. Home.”

“Well, I could come over. Should I bring my buddies?”

“Yeah that would be great. You Three Musketeers are always there when I need you.”

Why do we turn to food when our stress level is high? Comfort food. A chocolately security blacket. A salty suckie. There are a few reasons. Firstly, the escapability of a favourite food is so immediate. In seconds you can be wolfing down some ju jubes. In those seconds you can clear your mind of the muddle and focus on that sugarly goodness. Secondly, the familarity of the junk food provides a go-to in an often unpredictable world. You know that a Jos. Louis will always taste the same.

Cocaine. Meth. Oxys. Not always the best route for stress relief. Food seems to be the most socially acceptable of the stress relievers. We all have to eat to survive. We want to feel good but do we want feel good about ourselves? An oreo feels good. Seeing an empty row of oreos does not.

The problem with stress-related eating is that it doesn’t take the stress away. Its just a distraction. Sometimes that’s what you need. I get that. “Dad, the dog just peed on the rug.” Insert Kit Kat into mouth. I want to find a place where I don’t sneak gulps out of the Brown Cow. I want to get to a place where I can deal with the situation and not fall back on those temporary Twixes, I mean fixes.

Observation #26 Charlie Wittmack

My wife always asks me, “What do you do on that computer all the time?” My response is usually “What do you do when you’re not nagging me all the time?”

I would never actually say that nor would I think it. (She might read this.) I read alot on line. Different sites. Different topics. There is so much to take in. There is a lot of garbage too. Every now and again I come across something that it is inspiring and thought provoking. Its not always one of “those” sites.

Charlie Wittmack. He is a regular 34 year old guy who decided to do a “World Triathlon.” The first leg was a 220 mile swim up the River Thames and across the English Channel. The second leg was a 11 248 mile bike trip from France to the Himalayas.  The third leg was a run/climb of 450 miles that culminated at the summit of Mt. Everest. It did not go smoothly. He got dysentery during the swim where he was double ending. He got hit by a car and villagers were attacking him. He encountered horrible weather on Everest. Most importantly he had a wife and child at home. It was his responsibilities at home that proved to be his biggest challenge. When you have to make that decision to live for more than yourself, it really is the most profound decision you can make. It is a delicate decision however. You must find that place where you live for others while maintaining who you are. You can’t lose yourself in others. It is a disservice to them. Charlie Wittmack completed his physical and mental journey.

In an interview Wittmack said something that made me stop. “As kids we have a life that we dream of and as adults we reach a point where we give up on those dreams.” You don’t have to complete a world triathlon. But shit, you gotta do something.

Observation #25 I Should Have Tried Harder in Math Class

I was not a good math student. People convince themselves that they are not good at math. Once you make that leap, the world of numbers is lost to you. That is one decision that I do regret.

Operation 180 is all about numbers. The number of days I have to lose the weight. The amount of the weight I need to lose. The time on the treadmill. The kilometres on the road. The number of lengths in the pool. The combination of my lock. The number of notches on my belt. The number of calories. One portion or two. My cholesterol level. My pants size. My two kids.

My current weight has become an obsession. That number. There can be wild swings day to day. It can drive you nutty. Its a whole process too. I’ve got to strip down and get on because even underwear weigh something. In fact, I have to watch when I taking pictures of my weight each week because the viewer may see my reflection in the glass. A real down under view. I know that it is much better not to get on the scale until the end of the week or even better, not at all. Operation 180 shouldn't be about numbers at all. It should be about how I feel. For me, its hard to stay motivated by that. That Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup felt good in my mouth too. The numbers push you. They give you something to measure yourself against. A guage. Well I ran my 5km in 35 minutes. What can I run it in next time? I wish feeling good had a measure. I feel 4.6 times better than last week.

Start of Week 5

I started at 261.4 and have lost 23.6 lbs. Not bad for a month. I managed to do all my swimming. This week I am going hardcore. I am going to try to put it all together and do the Half Ironman over the course of the week. 18k Run; 1.9 km swim; 90 km bike. Wish me luck.

Obeservation #24 Mind over Matter

This weight loss game is all mind over matter. (Mind over fatter) It has very little to do with physical exhaustion or hunger. It is what you do next.

I was sitting at my kitchen table and I did not want to do anything. I didn’t want to work out. I didn’t want to relax. I was in purgatory. It wasn’t about laziness as much as it was about mental jumble. What to do? What to do? The problem with this scenario is that while you are waiting to figure out what to do, you are wasting time. Once you make that decision the clouds part and all is good in the world.

That grey zone is also a dangerous time for eating. You could suffer a snack attack. All of sudden you snap out of the funk and you are surrounded by Hershey’s Kiss tin foil. (Like a candy hypothermia blanket) Someone suggested that I should eat healthy but train my brain to think I was eating junk food. I’m going to eat these Skittles (actually peas) and this delicious Snickers bar (actually a Tofu log). That would be serious David Copperfield shit if I could pull that off.

Mind over matter is also about tricking yourself without your own self knowing that it is tricking itself. Phew! When I’m on the treadmill, I force myself not to look at the display. When I focus on the distance or the time it feels harder to run. Its weird. When I’m climbing a hill on my bike, I never look to the top. I always stare at my front wheel. Why? It doesn’t make the actual work easier but it makes it easier not to give up. I suppose its like staring at a clock. Time does feel slower. The mind will give up before the body. Ignorance is bliss.