Observation #78 Week 11 Challenge Jumping Rope

Skipping. It really can go two ways. There is Rocky. There is Rocky and Bullwinkle. If you are in the Rocky category, you know what you are doing. You look tough. You look like you should be in a dingy gym with Mickey whispering in your ear “Get up, you son of a bitch! Mickey loves you.” You look like a man. If you are in the Rocky and Bullwinkle category, you are a cartoon character. You are on the playground with a skipping rope with streamers exploding out the ends. Turning the rope over and tripping over it. Hopping with survival in mind. Thinking about each turn. Looking like a jackass.

For this challenge, I decided to do 1000 jumps a day. I got a pedometer and started skipping. I would skip for a hundred then lift some weights. Skip another 100 and lift some weights until I got to a thousand. It really is a tremendous workout. There is a learning curve however. At the beginning I was getting maybe ten good ones in then I would trip up. Your jumping style is a factor. Two feet together. Jogging on the spot. The ole can can. You have to find one that works and one that doesn’t make you look like a complete idiot. Once you find it, you can almost fool people into believing you know what you are doing. The other thing is that you have to be aware of how high impact skipping rope can be. My boobs were bouncing. They probably looked like two cats fighting in a burlap sack. My shins were starting to ache. Once I decided to skip on a gym mat, things started to turn around.

I’ve always found that a task with a beginning and an end is the most rewarding. When I started to jump 100 in a row, I felt such a weird sense of accomplishment. It’s skipping rope for f**k sakes. When you get it going, you feel like you may be, I say may be,  some kind of athlete. Mind you, I probably looked like an idiot to the world but I didn’t feel like one. I  need me some double dutch.

Observation #77 Breaking 200

I remember being 180 pounds. It is strange how you can remember those sorts of things. I don’t think that people who are fit, think in this manner. When your weight enters your consciousness, then your memories become more about what you looked like than what you were doing. Its never, “Look, its me in front of the Eiffel Tower.” Its more like “Damn, If I was a girl. I would definitely get with that dude”.  Strange on a lot of levels. Instead of the place, I remember what I looked like. The other weird thing is that I sometimes see a picture and I think to myself, “Man, I wish I could look that good again.” When I know in my mind that when that picture was taken I wasn’t happy with the way I looked. Its a struggle. I will get to a point of weight unconsciousness. One day. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t obsess about these things. I don’t need an afterschool special to teach me to love myself. I do understand how some people take this type of behaviour too far. Its sad.

         Remembering what it was like to be under 200 lbs, was a distant memory but a feeling that I had flirted with a couple of times in the last 10 years. It does seem like a beautiful threshold. It has magical properties. Seeing a 1 something on a scale can do wonders for a man. Its like Viagra for the soul. A bounce in your step. A hitch in your giddy up. You feel like like that guy skipping down the street after a little blue pill experience. When I saw it I was jacked up. I am not afraid to say that I was a little emotional. It represents a lot to me. It doesn’t validate me as a human being but it does remind me of the fight. The competition. My family. Seeing 180 will put me in a time machine. “1.21 gigawatts? 1.21 gigawatts? Great Scott!” I will travel back to my third year of university. It will hopefully change my perspective on that time. I can remember the people and the things that happened instead of much I weighed when I was there.

Start of Week 26

Start of Week 26: I started at 261.4 and have lost exactly 70 lbs. Less than a week to go. The 180 days will be over. Its been a good run. I will try to get in the 180s. New Year's Eve is the last day. The last day of this challenge of course. I hope everyone had a great holiday filled with good friends, times and eating!

Start of Week 22

Start of Week 22: I started at 261.4 and have lost 62.6 lbs. I finally did it. I am under 200 lbs for the first time in 8 years. Less than 5 weeks left. I am going to continue with Randy Orosz for another week. Moving in the right direction.

Observation #76 Friday Treat Day

Every Friday at my place of work, we have Treat Day. My favourite day of the week. Well, it used to be. I now call it Torture Day. Every Friday, I feel real guilt. Over the years I became the de facto guardian of Treat Day. Now, I have now become everything I fought so hard against.

         The baked goods. Marone! Brownies. Cheesecake. Cookies. Chips. The spread on Fridays is something to behold. There is a sign up sheet on the fridge. Everyone takes their turn. Old Adam, was never shy about voicing his discontent if someone brought in something that was nutritious. "This isn't a treat." Heaven forbid you bring a vegetable in. Publicly shunned. A steadfast rule was developed: Fruit should not part of any dessert. What is a date anyway? Raisins. Hate them. The thing I hate about those SOBs raisins, is that they look like chocolate chips. You think you are about to get that much closer to God by biting into a delicious chocolate chip cookie and shit. Raisins. So deceptive. One guy brought in a bunch of boxes of wagon wheels. They were expired. There was such disdain. The audacity.

         Now every Friday morning I dread my entrance into the staff room. Oh great, a giant bowl of M and Ms. I used to be the judge, jury and executioner. Now every Friday becomes a test. I was eating my wrap and I looked up and there were a dozen donuts. “Hey buddy, remember us. Oh yeah, we’re just covered in sprinkles. We won’t mind if you eat one of us.” Damn. One time the staff room was empty. There was a bag of one-bite brownies. I opened the bag and just breathed in the fumes. I was free basing like I was Richard Pryor. I didn’t eat one because I know I wouldn’t be able to stop. I still haven’t found that space where I can do things in moderation. I really want to get there one day because I miss my old friends.

Start of Week 21

Start of Week 21: I started at 261.4 and have lost 59.4 lbs. I had a good week. Randy Orosz, a co-worker, has gracefully offered to train me for the next two weeks. We are in the home stretch. I just want to get close enough to throw a hail mary at the end.

Observation #75 Pizza as a Vegetable

The war on drugs. It has been a colossal waste of time, money and resources. When you attack the supply or do not address the demand, the problem continues. If the demand does not change, the problem will continue to exist. People will find the drugs to do. Instead of attacking the demand through education or treatment facilities, foreign countries are invaded in the name of the war on drugs. Cue the huge leap. The same can be said about the food available in our school cafeterias. People are right to be concerned about the food that is offered. Recently, there has been a movement to have pizza classified as a vegetable so that schools can meet their nutritional requirements. We are outraged but once again we are attacking the supply instead of the demand.

         There will always be food that is bad for you. The supply will always be present. Dairy Queen, I see you over there. I slow down every time I drive by. Do I stop? Killing me. Temptation will always exist. With school cafeterias, temptation will always exist. The school board where I work has put a strict healthy food program into place. No french fries. No pizza for fundraisers. No bakesales.No chocolate bars in the vending machines. No soda in the machines. The only problem with this is that the store beside the school continues to offer a wide array of goodies. Pixie sticks to chips. Instead of the school cafeteria generating income for the school, the corner store is booming. Helping the economy, one crazy energy drink at a time.

         What is the solution? How do we address the demand? Not sure there is an answer. I know some parents who don’t let their kids have any sugar. All you need is one kid on the playground with a pocket full of jawbreakers. “First one’s free man.” You’ve got yourself a kid hitting the FunDip hard in his bedroom after you go to sleep. Supply vs. demand. Instead of handing your kid five bucks in the morning, make their lunch. Alternate days where they make your lunch. Provide choice to your kids. Live by example. Attack the demand. Give your kids the tools to choose an apple over a cookie. I don’t know. Its easier said than done but pretending that bad food doesn’t exist isn’t the solution either.

Observation #74 Open Letter to YMCA Grunter

Dear YMCA Grunter,

I just wanted to send you this quick note on behalf of the patrons of the YMCA. Today while working out I was taken aback in the middle of my workout when I clearly heard someone yell out, “Let’s get jacked!” I am for self-motivation as much as the next guy but come on. That someone was you. I don’t want to come across as judgmental but you really got inside my head today.

You are the reason that people don’t like to work out. Do you really have to lift to whole stack on every exercise? I get it, you are trying to build muscle but to do it just once doesn’t seem that effective. Your half shirt that read “Body Building USA 1993” and your Zubaz pants told me that you were a throwback and that you were clearly in the wrong place and perhaps the wrong time. I just kept wondering if you have a closet full of Vaurnet and Ocean Pacific hypercolour shirts.

Fashion aside, your volume just makes everyone uncomfortable. Maybe you cannot hear yourself grunting and groaning. Maybe your “Walkman”and your Loverboy were too loud. Come on. You were screaming. You sounded like a cross between who is taking a shit after eating a brick of cheese and someone walking across hot coals. You pissed me off because you were so loud and it reminded me how I forgot my own iPod. I needed to drown you out.

To top it off, after lifting the “shoulder press” up once, pacing back and forth, trying to lift again, you just left your sweaty ass all over the seat. They have bottles and towels there for a reason. Use them. No one wants to sit in a puddle of your ass. Come on. I know you have travelled here from a time where Joe Weider and steroids were the norm and Gold’s Gym and sexual harassment were lofty goals but a community gym like the YMCA just doesn’t seem like the right fit. So turn your backwards hat that you got out of a case of Budweiser around and conform. Or leave. Don’t make people uncomfortable. I know why women’s gyms exist. They are because of you. God bless Andy Rooney, I don’t mean to rant. Please take this letter into consideration.

Thanks.

Start of Week 20

Start of Week 20: I started at 261.4 and have lost 56 lbs. Another tough one. I ate well all week and worked out hard. I feel good which I guess is all that matters. This week I am going to torture myself. I am being trained by the fittest guy I know, Randy Orosz.

Observation #73 The Race

   I guess if I was lying on a leather couch with some guy with a tweed jacket with the patches on sleeve analysing my psyche, the conclusion might be that I’m an attention seeker. I enjoy making a spectacle of myself. Posting my weight on Facebook is a real “look at me” move. Operation 180 has really filled a void in my life. Since the rock and roll part of my life ended, the spotlight has dimmed. I think part of the reason I became a teacher was to be in front of people on a daily basis. I used to tell myself that I became a teacher because of 21 Jump Street. You know you could always stay young and cool while hanging out in high school forever. That reason has faded but the attention is still nice.

         The other day in class, there was about 5 minutes left in my Grade 12 World History class. The lesson was over and we were just talking. I asked “Who do you think the fastest teacher at the school is?” Someone said that I wouldn’t finish in the top ten. Damn. Its probably true but snap. It hurt. I pipe up. “Bet I could beat some of you in a race.”

         “Betcha you can’t.” Uh oh.

         “Let’s race tomorrow at lunch.” What have I got myself into?

         Cue the hype machine. I was walking down the hall after class and a student I didn’t know asks when the race was going down. Damn you text messaging and social media. The race was the buzz of the school.

         Lunchtime. I felt like the kid in “Three O’Clock High”. Everyone was waiting for him to fight after school. I get changed and walk to the track. There are 100 plus kids out there. Teachers have congregated. Some walked out to the track because they thought that there was going to be a fight. Whenever you see a giant migration of kids, you know something is going down.I feel their silent support. “Show these kids who’s the boss.” There is a megaphone. The kids line the track. Shit.

         I knew I was in trouble but I couldn’t back out. My running shoes felt weird for some reason. Then I remembered that my god forsaken dog had pulled the insole out the night before. Shit. No excuses. Let’s do this. I’m on the line and the countdown begins. We start.

         Within the first ten metres I’m back a step. Shit. Maybe the kid will get tired. Nope. He starts to pull away. I push on. I am maxing out. He pulls ahead. Then the worse thing happens. The kid turns around and slows down. Damn. I can’t catch him. I know its over. I am 35. Shit. I will never beat a 17 year old again. I feel the collective disappointment of the crowd. Some kids actually believed I could win. I feel great for the kid I raced. He defended the natural order. Could I have run tits out for a 100 metres before Operation 180? Nope. Did I love the spectacle of it all? Yep. Was it worth it? For sure.

Observation #72 My Fitness Bucket List

Now that I getting closer to something resembling fitness opposed to what I was before (titness), I thought I would make a list of fitness goals I would like to accomplish before I get my scooter. I hope to one day join one of those scooter gangs that hang out at local Tim Hortons. Before that, however, there are some things I would like to try and accomplish.

Goal #1: Run 5k in less than 30 minutes. I think I am close to this one already. I’ve got it down to about 33 minutes. I just can’t seem to find those last three minutes. I hate running but I think 30 minute mark is the standard. Running for that long jiggles up my insides too much. I always think about that when I’m out there. Gotta get past the urge to pull over.

Goal #2: 10 chin-ups in a row. Chin-ups are a man’s exercise. Clubber Lang. For the record, I can’t even do one in a row. Its like peeing sitting down. One day would like to do one. Then more than one. Then ten.

Goal #3: Bench Press my weight. Not sure what strategy I am going to choose. Lose a tonne of weight to make it easier or get all musclely and jack it up.

Goal #4: Complete a triathlon.  For many years, my family and I volunteered at a local triathlon. Every year I said, “I need to do this one day.” I am not a good swimmer and that may prevent me from ever doing it. In fact, I’m not really a good runner either. This one may be the hardest.

Goal #5: Touch a basketball rim. I may just be too short but I would love to be able to touch the rim. Mad hops. I can barely get mesh right now.

Goal #6: Complete a century. I really think that this would be easiest for me at this point. I’ve completed a century before but that was many moons ago. One hundred miles on the bike in one day. Get the Penaton ready.

Goal #7: Climb Effingham Hill. There is a really big hill near my house. I would love to be able to climb it on my bike. I think I might cry if I got to the top of it. I am scared of it right now. I have clipless pedals and I am scared that I will crap out halfway up and I won’t be able to clip out before falling over. Fall down, go boom.

Goal #8: Join a team. Growing up, I didn’t know anything other than being on a team. I miss it. I really feel like being a member of a team is something that we as grown ups lose. As a society, we have a sort of false connectivity. Now that my girls are a little bit older, this may be a possibility.

When I first thought about this list I thought I would be clever and combine the word “fitness” and “bucket list”. That’s a whole other list.

Start of Week 19

I started at 261.4 and have lost 55.4 lbs. I only lost a little bit and it was a struggle all week. This week I am going ancient history on my ass. I am going alternate a "300" workout and a "Spartacus" workout. Don't misinterpret my disappointment the last couple weeks. I am over the top with my weight loss so far. I have to keep pushing for the goal to keep my motivation up. Thanks for the support. I would love to be sub 200 next week. We will try.

Observation #71: Week Ten Challenge: Canada Fitness

         “Here is your Participation Pin.” The most dreaded thing any elementary school aged boy could hear. During my younger years, the government had a fitness plan for children called the Canada Fitness program. Its secret codename was “Fitness through Humiliation”. There were six exercises: Endurance Run 2400 m; Sit-ups; Shuttle Run (Bean Bags 10 m apart); 50 m Sprint and the Standing Long Jump. There was also the most dreaded component that was dropped because kids were licking doorknobs to catch colds just to avoid it. The Flexed Arm Hang. They would time you to see how long you could hang from a chin up bar with your arms flexed at 90 degrees. My arms still hurt from a Flexed Arm test in 1984. The most interesting aspect of the Canada Fitness program was the award system they had. They set standards by age. They divided each exercise into ability level. Excellence. Gold. Silver. Bronze. Participation. They then added up all the exercises and the levels achieved. You could only get the Excellence level if you achieved the top level in each exercise. There would be a ceremony at the end of the school year where they would trot you across the stage to receive a badge based upon your achievement.

         The ceremony has got to be the reason they got rid of Canada Fitness. There would be a handful of kids to got the Excellence badges. Good for them. Then with each descending badge the humiliation grew exponentially. When they trotted the Participation Pin kids across the stage, damn, it was silent. The “Thanks For Coming Out” prize. I never got an Excellence badge and I never got the Participation Pin. I fell in the middle. Never singled out. They should do a study of the kids at both ends and see what their average salary is. The pressure and anxiety of Canada Fitness probably cracked a bunch of kids.

         Today’s kids all get Participation Pins. No one gets centred out. Not sure how I feel about this. We have bred the competitive nature out of our kids. We have created a generation that strives for mediocrity. I call them the “Survivor Generation”. On the reality show Survivor, the people in the middle usually win. The leaders and physical superior contestants get voted out because they are dangerous. The super weak get voted out because they can’t help their team win. Aiming for the middle. At the same time, you had to feel for that “walk of shame” the Participation Pin kids had to make.

         This week I put the Canada Fitness challenges in a circuit and tried to do each one everyday. It was a really good workout. I even confronted my fears and did the Flexed Arm Hang a couple of times. I omitted the Standing Long Jump at the urging of my wife. When we first started dating we went to a cottage together with some of her friends and their boyfriends. The boys got ultra competitive and had amongst other things a Standing Long Jump contest on the beach. I threw out my back and was in agony for the rest of the weekend. I didn’t tell my wife that I had wrecked my back. She just thought I was mad at her. She thought I was going to break up with her. I finally copped to what was really bothering me. Hence, no Standing Long Jump this week.

         On the last day I recorded my results. Based upon the requirements for an 18 year old (the oldest it goes) I would have gotten a Participation Pin. I would have done the dreaded walk. I was officially humbled.

Start of Week 18

I started at 261.4 and have lost 55.2 lbs. I did my Wanda Cook Triathlon training. I hate swimming or what I call "avoid drowning". This week I am going to do some circuit training with a deck of cards. Different suits are different exercises. The number is the amount that I do. I have two months left. I need to lose more than 3 lbs a week if I want to get to 180. Looking dire.

Observation #70: What Has Worked So Far

I thought I would try to break down what has worked for me so far into three simple rules. I know no two people are alike but maybe some of this stuff can work for other people.

Rule #1: Everyone needs a Wilson. We are not islands. Well, I guess I was getting close to the size of an island. The thing is, there are so many different people going through the same thing. You need to put yourself out there. The Facebook thing has been amazing for me. I tried to do the opposite of what alot of people do on Facebook. You know when people take a self portrait holding the camera up high or they post a picture from Y2K. I showed most of my warts with the scale pics. I guess could have went further with a Speedo shot. Can imagine on a newsfeed, me in a banana hammock? Sandwiched between shots of kids in their Halloween costumes. Neither a trick or a treat.

Rule #2: SMART goals. Maybe they aren’t some bullshit education buzz word. Six months is a long time. Especially in the weight loss game. Not sure I lasted longer than a month in any other previous weight loss attempts. To last six months, you need to feel some sort of accomplishment on the short term. My weekly challenges have kept me so motivated. In fact it distracts me from the long term goal. The weekly challenges need to be SMART goals to work. Specific. Measurable. Attainable. Realistic. Timely. The realistic part is dicey. You have to push yourself. Make the unrealistic a reality. That should be on some douchebag’s T-shirt at the gym.

Rule #3: Its not a diet, its a lifestyle change. People always say it but I am not starving myself. I am not cutting out all bread. When I hear people radically altering their eating habits I just feel that they may experience initial success but they will bounce back even worse. When I did Atkins it worked really well. When it was over I relapsed bad. I am like the Lindsay Lohan of dieting. You’ve got to find something that you can live with long term. You can’t live forever on a soup diet. Imagine eating cabbage every day for the rest of your life.  Its not going to work. Forget the cheat day. Cheat every day. Just a little taste. After a while looking good makes you forget that bite-sized Snickers.

Bonus: Success breeds success. I have dropped a couple of cup sizes. Time to burn that bra and keep it rollin'.

Start of Week 17

Start of Week 17: I started at 261.4 and have lost 51.6 lbs. Not a great week for weight loss. I went with the Mrs. to the Falls for the night. We ate a really great meal and a great time. I completed the rowing. I did 6000 m each day. Not fun. This week I have a guest trainer. Wanda Cook, super athlete, has put together my program this week. Wish me luck. Here is the workout:

Monday: (am) Swim - 1200m as 200 easy warm up, 4x200 at a quick pace that you can sustain for that distance(rest 2 min btw) then 200 easy to warmdown
(pm) strength training

Tuesday: bike for 55 minutes at a moderate pace (in middle increase intensity for 6x1 min. like hill climb. should be standing on spin bike)

Wednesday: Run - as jog 10 minute, 4x400m sprints at track with jog btw each one, then 10 min jog to cool down

Thursday: strength training (or a rest day)

Friday: Swim - 1400 as 200 warm-up, 6x100 sprint(2min rest btw), then 2x200 moderate pace, 200 cool down

Saturday: bike 70 minute at moderate intensity

Sunday: Easy run for 30-40 min.

Observation #69 AC DC

My beautiful wife asked me a really interesting question: What motivates you more: seeing an overweight person or seeing a really fit person? This is an AC DC question. Not in a Bon Scott vs. Brian Johnson way. It is a positive-negative question. Never wanting  to be overweight again is motivation but that is negative motivation. Striving to be as fit as other people in the gym is a positive motivation.

When I first started Operation 180, I wanted to be fit but I was more sick of being out of shape. The state of your mind is important if you are going to be successful in the weight loss game. As I get closer to my goal, the overweight version of myself seems like a different person.  He was fun but he lived without discipline. Due to that disconnect with my former self, seeing overweight people doesn’t motivate me any more. When I see an overweight person now, I don’t pity them. No judgement. Who wants that? I just want to tell them that they can do it to if they really want to. It won’t be easy but they can get there. I don’t want to sound like some bullshit motivation speaker. Doctor Phil is on the phone asshole. I can relate though.

Whether its realistic or not, I feel like I’m doing what healthy people do. I am more motivated by others who are in this camp. Before I started, I didn’t understand skinny people. I was jealous maybe.  I just didn’t believe skinniness was possible. How can someone be skinny in 2011? Don’t these people have jobs? Don’t these people take care of their kids? They must be up to something. F**kin’ voodoo. Some are blessed with good genetics. Lucky SOBs. Others just work hard. It is possible to do it. You just have to figure it out. You just have to want to figure it out.

Observation #68 The Fat Tax

I teach law to teenagers. Well, I try. One of the early concepts studied in the course is natural law vs. positive law. A natural law philosopher believes that law comes from nature. If there were no laws we would be ok because people know right from wrong. The Jimminy Cricket would warn us if we were not acting in accordance with the law of nature. Some natural law believers take more of divine approach. God or some version of, provides us with the rules to live by. Positive law theorists believe that law dictates our behaviour. The reason why we don’t kill people is because it is against the law not because it is wrong. This is a simplification of course. We need laws to shape our decisions. We need to legislate morality because too much is left to chance with natural law. I always ask my class, “If there was no law against murder, would you kill someone?” Scary answers sometimes.

Can we legislate people to live a healthier lifestyle? In Denmark, they just passed a “fat tax”. They have placed a charge on any food that contains more than 2.3% saturated fat. We, in North America, of course have already tried to use a positive law approach to healthiness. We heavily tax cigarettes and alcohol. They are called sin taxes. Some argue that the healthcare costs incurred by people who are obese or smokers or alcoholics or all of the above need to be balanced with collecting more revenue. Some people see this as an additional burden on the poor. Do poor people eat worse than richer people? They probably work longer hours for less, making fast and fatty foods a more convenient option. Additionally, there is that cycle of poverty that has contributed to poor nutritional education and genetic pre-dispositions.

I’m not sure legislating healthiness is the best approach. You can’t ban butter. Imagine knocking on the door of a speakeasy, “I need two pounds, man.” Maybe if you adjusted people’s income tax based on their weight, maybe people would be more motivated to live a healthier lifestyle. Weight can be an abitrary number sometimes too. Maybe a positive law approach isn’t the way. It’s too bad natural law doesn’t take care of this. It should.

Start of Week 15

Start of Week 15: I started at 261.4 and have lost 46.8 lbs. This was the roughest week yet. We went to a water park in Erie, Pa. I did not eat well. I am not down much but I'm happy to be down at all. I want to get to the 50 lbs lost mark by the end of the week. I am really going to push. 

Observation #67 Too Fat to be President

Chris Christie. First off what parent does that to their child. Denis St. Denis. Joey Joseph. There are too many Mike Hunts in this world. This is not the point. Chris Christie is the governor of New Jersey. He is a Republican. People are saying he may be the only Republican who has a chance to challenge President Obama in the upcoming presidential election in the United States. Christie has said that it isn’t his time. The media has turned his potential candidacy into a singular issue: his weight.

September 26th 1960. The day that changed politics forever. John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon participated in the first televised leadership debate. Before this, it was a man’s message that mattered. After this it was a man’s haircut. The relationship that Joe Public had with their politicians was through their radios and the newspapers. Before the debate, most Americans didn’t even know what their president looked like. The television brought appearance into the mix. The presidential archetype was set forever. Image is everything. Style over substance.

Why can’t a fat guy be president? Shouldn’t a man’s philosophy and policy ideas be the way a politician should be judged? Shouldn’t we be assessing pork barrelling instead of pork rinds? Listen I don’t want to be fat but I don’t think its right to judge a man’s ability to govern based on his waist band. I really don’t buy the whole he may die in office because of his health. There are a lot of skinny dudes who pass away too early. I don’t know Chris Christie, in fact, I’m not familar with his politics. I do know that he would rather be fitter. I just hope he gets there on his own and is not forced by some talking head at Fox News.

Observation #66 A Mantra

I’ve been reading a little about mindfulness. When I am working out I try to clear out and just be present. One of things that I’ve been trying is counting to five when I reach that point in a workout when I want to quit. It gets me in a rhythm and before I know it I am through the rough patch.

Unfortunately Operation 180 is not just about working out. It would be so much easier. The weight loss game is mostly mental. Sure, you physically pick up that cupcake and ram it in your face but you have the power to stop it. It’s like that Seinfeld episode where the brain plays the penis in the chess match except it’s the brain vs. the rolls. I have created a mantra that seems to be working. When I am questioning continuing, when someone puts a plate of chicken wings in front me and says like the snake in the Garden of Eden, “Just have one. They will go to waste.” I try to start a sentence with these words “This is the last time...” It has proven to be very powerful. I do it in my head of course. No one wants to hear that douchebag.

This is last time I will ever be this heavy. This is the last time these pants are going to cut off my circulation. This is the last time someone will say “Mam, can you put your top back on?” This is the last time I will worry about getting the sugar. This is the last time I will wear an XL T-shirt. This is the last time I will run into someone from high school and lament my thinner days. This is the last time I will have to think about my weight. Everyday is the last day. Cross that shit off the list.

A mantra is a powerful thing.

Observation #65 Death of a Great Man

Greatness is rare. Genius is a word that is used too flippantly. A man named Arch West passed away this week. He was 97 years old. That is a good run. He died of natural causes. When you pass you hope that you have left something behind. Making a difference in someone’s life. Mr. West did that. He invented the Dorito. People were asked to throw Doritos at the graveside ceremony. A fitting tribute.

His passing got me thinking. The man who created the pinnacle of the snack world lived to 97 years of age. Jim Fixx. He was a man just as great as Arch West. He died at the age of 52 of a massive heart attack. Mr. Fixx wrote a book in 1977 called “The Complete Book of Running”. He basically launched the fitness craze in America. The Dorito guy outlived the “jogging guy” by 45 years. Hmmm. A half and hour on the track or a bag of Sweet Chili Heat? Talk about mixed messages.

Here’s the rub. Fixx had fitness but he also had stress in his life. Two failed marriages. A stressful occupation. A smoker for 20 years. Being fit is only part of the equation. You have to figure out the things that led to your weight gain in the first place. If you can solve those issues, the weight loss is secondary. The weight that is lifted is both physical and emotional.

The other thing that I found interesting was that Arch West’s favourite flavour was Cool Ranch and the flavour he liked the least was the cheeseburger flavour. That’s what made him great. I never met a chip I didn’t liked until the cheeseburger dorito. It tastes like ass, if I ever tasted ass. When I go to MacDonalds I order plain cheeseburgers. Sometimes they screw it up and give me a regular cheesburger. Gag. That’s what cheeseburger doritos taste like. Arch West RIP.

Start of Week 13

I started at 261.4 and have lost 43 lbs. The two-a-days were tough. I managed to do it four times. 5:30 am does exist and there are people who do it everyday. This is the half way point. I have 37 more pounds to lose. Oh boy!

Observation #64: Week #9 Challenge: 100 Laps of the Track

I hate running. I decided long ago that someone told me that I had flat feet and that is what I go with as an excuse for not running. Its probably not true. I should maybe find out. Excuses are great security blankets. To cuddle with and snuggle with when the storm comes. Well, the storm rolled in. One hundred laps of the track. It may be the hardest thing I have ever done. Why do things that you know you can do? Because its easy dumbass. I suppose the easy road is how I got into this mess in the first place.

I decided that if I did fifteen laps a day I would end up with 105 laps which is that actual distance (-1 lap) of a full marathon. The problem with this equation is that you have to basically run a 5k race every day for a week. Shitty. The other problem was that I hadn’t run outside much since beginning Operation 180. It is way harder than the treadmill. The one good thing is that two local high schools have tracks open the public 24/7. So I had no excuses. It was strange to run on my old high school track. I remember having to run the track in gym class. Many moons ago. It didn’t seem as far back then.

I did the fifteen laps five days in a row. I thought it would get easier but it got increasingly more difficult as the laps started to pile onto each other. For the most part, I would run 12 laps (5k) then walk the last three. One thing I didn’t account for was the bugs. I think I might have lost more weight that week but I ingested probably four to five pounds of bugs. One night I came home after running and my daughter started looking at me weird. “You’ve got bugs all over your face.” The sweat had captured at least a hundred bugs. Stuck to my forehead. Imagine that news report in the bug world. “100 dead. Bizarre sweaty man accident claims innocent lives.”

It was made more difficult when I missed a day. I had to do 20 and 25 laps on the last two days. I had to walk more of the laps but it got done. It felt like a major accomplishment. Tiny victories.

Observation #63 Happiness

How do you achieve happiness? I was not happy at 260 pounds. I had an amazing wife. Two unbelievable children. I had my parents and brother. I had good friends. There was a void. I didn’t like that way I looked and felt. Two fried eggs for tits. My belly button getting deeper and deeper, collecting more and more. More lint than a dryer tray. The thing that depressed me was that I let it happen. I think the key to happiness is action. If something isn’t working you’ve got to do something. Unhappy people are the ones who have stopped trying. You have to make happiness.

Some things can’t be changed. Shitty things happen. The last two years have been difficult. The things that happened could not be changed. They still can’t be changed. I had to let them go. I could change my weight. That is the definition of happiness. Changing the things that can be changed and letting go of things that you can’t. Action. You need to work for it.

Taking action doesn’t have to be Operation 180 or going crazy. The tiniest things build happiness in yourself and others. Take tiny steps. Take steps. Appreciate and be mindful. Call your parents and thank them. Ask for help. Help a co-worker. Go out for dinner with your friends. Is there something you can change today about yourself that would put you on the path to happiness? Do it. The culmination of all the tiny steps can build into a groundswell. In uncertain times, happiness is achievable if you can recognize that it doesn’t take much to achieve. All you need is to do something, anything.

Observation #62 Stray Observations about The Biggest Loser

Tonight the latest edition of the television show Biggest Loser debuted. As I mentioned before, I used to curl up with a bag of Sweet Chili Heat and watch people try and lose weight. Cruel on both ends. Now as a “big loser” myself there are some things upon closer inspection that make me wonder about the show.

First off, why do they make the contestants take their shirts off when they weigh in? Those people don’t want their bodies put on display. By the end of the season, they weigh in with their shirts on. I guess flabby bodies are better to look at than saggy skin. I mean sports bras and spandex. I guess that’s what they sign up for.

At the first weigh-in people lose incredible amounts of weight. Someone lost 27 pounds in one week. I have a nagging suspicion that they fill these people up with water before the first weigh-in. One huge whiz and you are down 10 pounds. I mean these people are working hard but 27 pounds in one week?

The pregnant pause as they reveal a person’s weight on the scale is agonizing. When they cut to a commercial before they reveal a person’s weight and they show the faces of the trainers scrunched up. Like they are passing a stone. Just give us the weight.

Bob’s forehead. Enough said. The guy who developed the Biggest Loser is JD Roth. The host of the greatest game show for kids, “Fun House”. Genius. Too many men crying. Enough said. Check that. I think I may cry if i get to 180. Mostly out of relief. I won’t have millions of people watching me though. In fact if I’m at 181 I may cry, whiz, poop anything to get that one pound off.

Lastly, I admit that the best part of the show is the last 30 seconds when they show how the contestant looks after losing the weight. It is inspiring to see people making positive steps to extending their lives. I only wish I had nothing but time to workout and have my meals prepared for me. These people are not living in a realistic environment but does it matter how you get there? You pray that beyond taking the weight off, the contestants have sorted out the reason their weight got out of control in the first place.

Observation #61 The Secret

My buddy Pete is the skinniest man I know. He said his secret was the supermodel diet. Cigarettes and coffee. Some people swear by the low carb route. The secret is to deprive yourself of sugar so your body has to release stored energy found in fat cells. Some people believe that the cleanse is the best way to go. The colon blow. It is reported that Elvis had sixty pounds of impacted fecal matter when he died. That’s a lot of peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Plus whose job is it to measure that? Some people love the cabbage soup diet. Some believe that eating a grapefruit with every meal will lead to weight-loss. Some believe that a shot of Apple Cider Vinegar is key. How bout chasing that grapefruit with a shot of vinegar? That might be the secret. Tasty. Oprah has the secret. Put it out in the universe. “Dear universe, I want to be skinny.” Hello, is there anyone out there?

I think the common factor in all of these diets is eating less. Not sure it matters what you eat but you’ve got to eat less of it. In terms of a secret, there isn’t one. I think that I’ve wasted a lot of time looking for one. I just got plumper as I looked for it. What would be the thing that I could do to be fit? What supplement? What weird and wonderful shake could I make? What quick fix is out there to take care of these rolls? Oh, a magic berry. Dr. Oz told me it would work. I might as well went down the yellow brick road to the Wizard of Oz for a solution.

The longer Operation 180 goes on, I think the secret isn’t a secret at all. It doesn’t come in a pill. You can’t ground up black bear penis. You can’t wish for it. The key to success unfortunately is hard work. Hard work, what? That sucks. It does but it works everytime.

Start of Week 12

I started at 261.4 and have lost 41.2 lbs. The skipping was pretty good this week. Who knew? This week, now that football is back, I am doing two-a-days.

Observation #60 Renewing My Vows

I was listening to the Jason Ellis show on Sirius and he said something profound about marriage, particularly from the male perspective. He said, in a crude way, that there is one indicator as to the strength of a marriage. If you were alone in a parking lot and a women offered to hop in your backseat, would you do it? If your marriage is strong, no way. The guilt would kill you and it would be unfair to your wife. If your marriage isn’t strong, you think about it. You won’t get caught.

The same rings true for my weight loss. If there was a Hostess cupcake sitting on a table and no around, do I make sweet love to it? At this point in Operation 180, my relationship isn’t as strong as it was at the beginning. It has been three months and instead of the relationship is getting stronger, the opposite is true. I have lost 40 lbs but I committed to losing 80 lbs. The weight came off quick and easy at the beginning but it has slowed to a trickle.  I am busting my ass in the gym but its not producing the results I want. Now the temptations are getting stronger and stronger. I find myself wandering around in that parking lot hoping for something to happen.

It is time now for me to renew my vows. I’m heading to a beach in Hawaii. “Adam, do you take Operation 180 as your lawfully wedded goal.”

“I do.”

There is room for me to tighten up my diet even further. I can continue to push myself at the gym. I told a friend from work that I was afraid that I might not make it to 180 lbs. Instead of saying, “Look at what you’ve accomplished. You’ve lost almost 40 lbs.”, he said, “You’ve just gotta do it.”

I’ve just gotta do it.

Observation #59 Parenting

My number one parenting philosophy is to make your kids as normal as possible. As soon as you try to make them unique or extraordinary is when you mess them up. Unique names. Apple. Moon Unit. You are getting a swirlie. Unique clothing. Wedgie. If the kid wants a Barbie backpack, get it. Don’t get righteous and say that your kid won’t get sucked into the evils of mainstream consumption. When they go to school with an Evel Kinevel lunch pail that you think is awesome, they will be shunned. Make your kids as normal as possible. I am not setting low expectations for my kids. I want the sky for my kids but I want them to make the choices, not me. If my kid wants a Rainbow Brite T-shirt because she thinks its old school, I will get it. Her choice.

The problem with my philosophy is eating. I want my kids to be normal. I don’t my daughters to go to a party never have eaten cake. Never had a sip of pop. Never had a cookie. What’s a gummie worm? I guess I’m afraid if I hide those things from them that they will go hog wild once they do have access to them. I remember that they had to ban pixie sticks and Jolt cola at my elementary school because the kids were going crazy. At the same time, I don’t want them to develop the bad habits that I developed.

I want my kids to have a good relationship with food. I want them to make the right choices. I don’t want them to be the “never had sugar” kids either. I think its kind of weird when parents say no to their kids but are eating whatever they want. That’s not fair. Do as I say not as I do. Its kinda bullshit. I want to be an example for my kids and moderation and normalcy is the example I want to set.

Observation #58 Weighted Words

My brother once lost over 100 pounds. Someone said to him, “Now that you lost all that weight, I gotta ask how did you get so fat in the first place?’ Yikes. I think sometimes people think that if someone loses a lot weight that they are a new person. They are the same person dealing with the same issues that led to the weight gain. Someone said to me, “I remember when your belly was way out to here.” What am I supposed to say to that. “You are right. I was real fat f**ker.” I am still that fat f**ker just in a different body.

I really appreciate all of the warm comments that I have been receiving. Maybe I am just senstive because I feel like I’ve lost a lot of my old friends. Col. Sanders. The Burger King. Wendy. I miss them all. People are trying to say nice things. There is one thing that has been said to me a bunch of times that could be taken the wrong way. “You’ve really inspired me. Now that you are getting close to my weight. I feel like I need to lose some weight myself.” So I getting near your weight, a weight which you feel fat at. WTF. I’m not mad at those people in the least. Hopefully people will work to get healthier even if its so I don’t weigh less than them.

I think I might have heavier than I thought. I always say this to my wife. I’m not sure that you can ever have an objective view of the way you look. I mean you look in a mirror and you flop your boobs around and slap your belly like a sumo wrestler. You know you are out of shape. It may be like the ole boiling frog syndrome. You look at yourself everyday in the mirror. You don’t notice the changes. What if you could only look at yourself once a year? Then the reality might hit harder. So when people say you almost weigh what I weigh, it may be more of a compliment. They considered you way heavier then they were. They were comfortable in their skin relative to you. Once those ratios get thrown out of wack, they get dropped in the boiling water.

Observation #57: Week Eight Challenge

The Burj Khalifa in Dubai is the tallest buiding in the world. The poor old CN Tower. Once a building is no longer the tallest in world, its just a really tall building. For the week eight challenge, I decided to climb the amount stairs it would take to climb the Burj Khalifa. There are 3234 stairs to the top. I climbed 8200 stairs. I guess the number wasn’t as important as the workout. I ran up and down the stairs at school. I also did the stair climber and a stair climbing treadmill.

There was a city-run day camp running at the school while I was climbing the stairs. A couple of observations. Some kids just don’t respect (fear) adults. There was one kid who the councillors obviously couldn’t handle. They would stick him in the gym by himself. One day he found a tennis racket and like a hundred tennis balls. He proceeded to try to fire the balls into the balcony where I was on the stair machine. Ball after ball flying at me. “What are you doing?” He never answered. He just gave up after awhile. I thought to myself, “What a little shit.” Then I thought at least he was getting some exercise.

Second observation: Little kids will play the most ridiculous games. They were running around dressed as pirates. Doing scavenger hunts. It was refreshing. No scruples about how stupid they looked. I wonder at what age that disappears. Teenagers do not want to look stupid. So in my experience they rarely try something new. This attitude is pervasive. It extends from the classroom to the sports field. I wonder if its always been like this or if its a new thing. I think part of it develops from the fact that kids are spending increasingly more time physically on their own. X boxing instead of boxing. I saw this documentary on jazz. Every punk rock kid goes through their jazz phase. One thing that was said stayed with me. A dancer said that society changed when people stopped dancing as couples. We are becoming islands. Sports teams at the high school level are having a tough time fielding teams.

We have got to find a way recapture the bravery of youth. We need to find a way encourage a generation to get together and participate before they become a lost generation.

Week 8 Challenge: Grade A

Next week's challenge: 100 laps around the track

Observation #56 Women and Weight-loss

“Hey, Ventnor. You are a real asshole.”

Wow. I quickly ran many scenarios in my head. What stupid comment did I make to make her mad? “Sorry.”

She quickly explained that I was an asshole because of the weight I lost. Again I apologized. She said that she hated how easy it is for men to lose weight. Granted, if it was really easy I would have done it a long time ago. Relatively speaking, I imagine it is easier for men to lose weight. It sucks for the ladies.

I think the boobs are the first problem. Getting in the way. Plus, the more muscle you have, the easier it is lose weight. The round mounds will never be fat burners. The second problem with women and weight loss is the time. My wife has given me a tonne of time to workout. I think the day to day demands of a woman’s life certainly make the scheduling for working out and eating healthy that much more difficult. The third issue is hormones. I will never understand the female body. I mean I understand what I need to understand but the hormonal roller coaster will remain a mystery to me. When a woman busts her ass on the Biggest Loser and only loses a little bit, Bob’s face gets all scrunched up. I wish the contestant would just tell the crowd what’s going on. “Bob, I was a bit bloated this week.” That would unscrew his face. Let’s not forget that women were made to carry babies. Those genetics put you up against it.

I live in a house full of ladies. So its Ladies First in my life. I am a lame duck so I have no choice but be sympathetic. It may be take longer for women to lose weight but as long as they get there in the end, we all benefit. You feel better and hopefully I get to feel more often.

Observation #55 Plateau

The dreaded P word. When you are losing a lot of weight, the word “plateau” is a word that carries as much consequences as the word “cookies”. You bust your ass. You watch what you eat. The weight just doesn’t come off. This is a super dangerous time. Its like the old “Why do bad things happen to good people?” question. It is really easy to throw your hands up and say why am I doing this? Put the keys down. You don’t need to make a run for the border for a Volcano Double Beef Burrito. Get your hands off that piece of chocolate cake.

So what to do weight stops coming off? You could go either way. You have to change something. Once I hit the 230s, I was on a big roll. Then everything slowed down. Its like your body wakes up and figures out something is going on. It fights tooth and nail against what’s going on. This is when I usually pack it in and eventually pack it on. What I am finding is that your body does freak out when it figures that the weight is coming off but it also embraces it after awhile. Heart: “WTF? What is this exercise bullshit?” Lungs: “I hear you bro. I never work this hard.” Stomach: “Shut up you whiny crybabies. I feel like red-headed step-child down here.” Heart: “I am pumping a lot more. Shit. Might as well go with it.”

This is where the scale really kills you. Even though you hit a plateau in terms of pounds coming off, you feel better and better all the time. That’s what you need to embrace. It is tough when you’ve told the world that you are going to be 180 lbs in 180 days. At least by setting that goal, I was able to push through that plateau. There will be more. Stay the course. Ignore the scale. Remember you used to be winded at the top of the stairs.

Observation #54 Abs

To me,  abs are a mythical thing. The yeti. Nessie. Britney Spears’ actual voice. I’ve never had them and I’m not sure I could handle that type of power. The Situation from Jersey Shore is a perfect example of the abuse of power. He uses his abs as a weapon. He uses them as a means of communication. Instead of saying “Hi. Nice to meet you. Can I buy you a drink?” He just lifts his shirt. DTF.

Everyone has heard the belly jokes. “I don’t have a six pack, I have a keg.” or “ It’s not a belly, it’s a fuel tank for my love machine.” Real grandpa slogans. Pull my Finger. It is strange how the belly has been embraced as a symbol of manhood. “I put alot of effort into this belly.” We rub it like expectant mothers. Maybe it will lead us to enlightenment with a rub. It is usually a package deal with the bald spot. A badge of honour to the male aging process. Maybe by embracing it, we make it ok to be getting old and out of shape.

I want to lose my belly. I don’t want to be old. I think that pull my finger is funny but I’m not ready to go out to pasture. I do have the bald spot. (Solar panel for my love machine) I am definitely a grown up. I have a freaking will and even worse, a mortgage. Nevermind by Nirvana is twenty years old. Shit. What’s next? ED. I can’t even say those words. I don’t need abs but I don’t want to be the proud expectant father of a beer baby either. I am getting old but I am tired of being tired. I am getting up there in age but I don’t want to feel old. I want to feel like teen spirit instead of smelling like it.

Observation #53 38/30

We all have benchmarks. Things that we measure the rest of lives against. One of the benchmarks in my life in 38/30. That is the pants size that I hold as the standard. I usually have to buy pants that are bigger in the waist because my legs are real slabs of meat. They create an optical illusion that hasn’t done me many favours. I digress. I don’t ever remember wearing pants that were smaller than that. I certainly must have because I haven’t always been as tall or rotund as I am now.

In the years prior to Operation 180, I slowly got further away from my 38/30 benchmark. Its like driving away from your house, you can still see in your rearview but you know you’re driving to work. Well, I got to work. I couldn’t see 38/30 in my rearview anymore. It was one of the most disappointing things about gaining weight. Its tough to buy pants. Thirty is one of the shorter lengths of pant that you can find in normal stores. As the waist measurement grows, your options get smaller and smaller. You can find 40s and 42s but they carry lengths of 32 or 34. Big pants for big boys. Then you have to get them hemmed. Pain in the ole 44 inch ass.

As I crept into the 42s, I still held onto some 38s. My expanding girth probably stretched them, but I would flop the gut up, do the pants up underneath and then breathe out. It was like Braveheart out there, “Hold. Hold. Hold.” When you would undo them it was like the game of Perfection. The timer would go off and shit would fly everywhere. Then you would have to put it all back together.

I am now back comfortably in my ole 38s. Not sure what I will do with the 42s I bought for work but it feels good to be at the benchmark. I may have to move into new territory. Maybe I can I go into the GAP and not have the heroin-chic worker look at me with that “We don’t have a husky boys section” look.

Observation #52 Indecent Proposal

Would you rather be wealthy or healthy? Is the outloud answer to this question different than the answer given in private? In alot of cases I imagine it is. Most people would say, what would be the use in being wealthy if you were to die early. Damn you Robert Redford, you ginger-haired provocateur. Sleep with my wife for a million. Give me an extra 100 pounds for a million. Two hundred pounds for five million. The caveat is that you can’t take it off. You have to stay that weight forever and you get all the health problems that come along with the extra weight. Would you do it?  Think of how much five million dollars is.

A healthy life is within the reach of most of us. Multiple millions is not. I think this question has different answers depending on your situation. Do you have someone that you want to enjoy a lifetime with? Do you have kids you want to see grow up? Another question has to be: does health equal happiness? Its a huge assumption that skinny minnies are happier people. Santa seems happy.

At this point in my life, I feel like I would turn the money down. I still hold on to dreams of achieving financial comfort on my own. I feel better thirty pounds lighter. I think I will be even better when I lose fifty more. Does the weight loss make me happier? How much would cost not to have my kids have to worry about me? Is a gazillion a number?

Start of Week 10

Start of Week 10: I started at 261.4 and have lost 34.5 lbs. It was a disappointing week. I completed the 100 laps around the track. It didn't translate on the scale. This week's challenge is to train and complete the Canada Fitness Test that we used to do back in elementary school. I couldn't find the standards for the flexed arm hang. (Thank God!) We will see how I measure up.

Observation #51 Buffet

I opened the fridge and grabbed the package of ground turkey. It was turkey burgers for dinner. I hear my phone buzzing. My family decided to go the Mandarin. Back to the fridge with the healthy turkey. The dreaded buffet. Buffet is a french word meaning “Your diet is f**ked.” A buffet is like a fat guy amusement park.

Why do we stuff ourselves at a buffet? Choice. When you look at a menu at a normal restaurant, there are always multiple things that you would like to order. Can you imagine you ordered double or even triple entree at a steakhouse? At a buffet all of those things that you would like to order, are there. Right there in front of you. Egging you on. Its like Old MacDonald. They fill up the trough and you saunter up and start feeding. Oink, oink here.

I think the other thing is that for some reason you feel that you have to get your

money’s worth.They charge you just enough for you to make multiple trips. If you make one trip, the man wins. You are the sucker.

I only made three trips. Twice for crab legs. Once for miscellaneous tastiness. The biggest revelation was that I didn’t have to make my usual Nanaimo bar chocolate sundae. Pre-Operation 180, I averaged at least five trips plus the sundae bar. I can’t even imagine the amount of calories I was consuming.

My fortune cookie said, “Eat more chinese food.”

Observation #50 Week 7 Challenge: P90X

After my week at the cottage I was a little at a loss as to what to do for my weekly challenge. I chose the P90X for a week. It is a series of extreme fitness videos. My intentions were to do Week One of the program.

P90X is for people who are already in shape who want to take their fitness to a new level. I am not in shape. I am trying to get in shape. Already we had a problem. The first video had people cranking out chin ups like it was child’s play. Not sure I’ve done a chin up in my entire life. Failure. I would love to crank out a bunch of chin ups. They are a real man’s exercise. Rocky in Siberia shit. I still have nightmares from the “Flexed Arm Hang” from elementary school. By the end of Operation 180, I would like to be able to do ten chinups in a row. If I could do one, it would double my current output by 300%.

The set for P90x is supposed to look like Clubber Lang’s gym. Its dark. Brick walls. Fake industrial fans. I know what they were going for. They didn’t want it to look slick. They wanted gritty. They just depressed me.

This is a horrible thing to say. They had a guy on there with one leg. He had a prosthesis. It was during this one video called Plyometrics. Plyometrics is a lot of jumping, squatting and lunging. Instead of weights, you use your own body weight as resistance. Well, I’ve got lots of body weight so the resistance was huge. But to have the guy with one leg was almost like saying “A guy with one leg is doing it. Suck it up.” Well shit, it just made me feel more out of shape. And this was my favourite video.

  The host. I hate that guy. He never shuts up. He tries to be your friend through the camera. He was trying to pal around with the people on set and you could tell that they hated him too. “Here is Pam. Pam the Blam.” Shut up. He does a fraction of the exercises so he is working half as hard as everyone else. He is that guy who doesn’t think his shit stinks. He is not motivating. He makes you not want to be in shape for fear that you will turn into a douche like him. I can’t even imagine having to hear the same jokes he tells for three months, over and over again.   

It was tough. I only did four of the videos. The week was a waste. Let's call it F90X. I will use the Abdominal workout again but I can’t see myself doing P90X again unless the mute button is on and I am in way better shape.

Week 7 Challenge: Grade D

Next Week’s Challenge: Climb as many stairs as there is in the tallest building in the world