There are many things that confuse me. I am a simple man. Losing weight can be confusing and maybe my perception has been altered by hunger and exhaustion. Here are some of the things that are baffling me:
1) Why do some of the biggest musclely guys listen to the girliest music at the gym? I saw a giant dude in the locker room. He was taking his iPod off and “Hold it Against Me” by Britney Spears was blaring from the buds. Just seems weird. This is not an isolated incident.
2) My wife says to me “If I lost weight like you, the first thing I would lose would be my boobs.” Shit that isn’t fair on so many levels. When a guy gains weight, his weiner doesn’t get bigger. In fact, it looks much smaller relative to the gut. Secondly, it certainly doesn’t make me want to encourage my wife to lose weight. I guess I should suck it up but I would miss those babies.
3) Everyone at the gym has a tattoo. Maybe I just notice it more because people tend to wear less clothing when working out, but I may be the only one there with no ink. Maybe when your body becomes a more attractive canvas, people feel they need to hang something permanent on it. I noticed it at the Fantasy Island wading pool as well. I can just imagine the meetings at the local biker gang, “Well the tattoo thing has been totally highjacked. I just don’t know who I am anymore?”
4) Pooping. I poop a lot less now. I miss my alone time. When I shut that door I enter my fortress of solitude. Plus I get a lot less reading done. I digress.
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